# Blog post 3: Business Correspondence Critique

Hello! This was an email that was sent to students who are actively involved in the NUS Students Union.



Subject: Union Day

Hi one and all,

As part of this year's FOCC project, there will be a Union Day held in
the first week of the new academic year AY 2008/2009.

Union Day will be a project where NUS Students' Union reach out to the
student population regarding the coming elections and essentially what
the Union does. It would be a one-day (or more, subject to ideas)
event and it can a bazaar, carnival, roadshow, etc. (Entirely up to
your originality and feasible ideas!)

Interest parties, please email to focc@nussu.org.sg and interviews
will be conducted.

Be not afraid to join this FOCC community, where you will learn
valuable experience and a platform for you to leap to greater heights!

Warm regards,
xxxxxxxxxx
FOCC Chairperson 08/09
xxxxxxxxxx
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Assessing it with the 7 C’s framework:

1) I think that the writer has displayed courtesy in her language. She started the email by greeting the readers with ‘hi one and all’ and ended it with ‘warm regards’, which I feel is basic courtesy. Also, when requesting for something, she was polite and used ‘please email’.

2) There are language errors in her email. Firstly, instead of ‘interest parties’, I think it should be ‘interested parties’. Secondly, ‘be not afraid to …’ is inaccurate. Perhaps it could be ‘Do not be afraid to…’ or ‘Do not hesitate to join ….’ Though minor, these errors can create confusion for readers and the email is ineffective in passing the intended message.

3) Her email is very concise. After greeting the readers, she jumped straight to the point and introduced the event. She then stated her aim of her email and the actions to be taken. I feel that she did not beat around the bush, which is good as doing so may bore the readers and make them skip the email before finish reading.

4) I think her email lacks clarity. It was written ‘interest parties, pls email….’ My initial thought when I read the email was ‘did she mean interested parties to attend the event or to join the organizing committee for the event?’ It’s rather vague and perhaps she could have said ‘Interested parties who want to join the organizing committee can email …..’ A few additional words can make a difference. Also I think she should have spelled out what does FOCC stands for as not everybody may know what it represents.

5) I think her email is coherent and cohesive. The flow of her content is very smooth and she has used conjunctions such as ‘and’, ‘or’ to link up her ideas.

6) Her description of the event is correct and information such as what to do, who to email is also accurate. Thus, her content is concrete.

7)Looking at it as a whole, I think her email is fairly complete. Though there are a few errors as mentioned above, her email contains sufficient information and by reading it, I get an idea of what the event is about and the things I should do if I am interested in organizing it.

Blog post #2: Interpersonal conflict scenario:

Hi Guys! Here's a scenario depicting interpersonal conflict:


I am currently working in a corporate bank in a team of five, in line with the launch of their latest project. I am generally on good terms with all my colleagues. Though our workload is very heavy, slogging together has created a bond within us and I can say that we make quite a strong team.

However, there is a guy (A) in my team, whom I do not really like. It seems as if he is always slacking in his work, passing his workload to others on the basis that his workload is too heavy compared to the rest of us. I do not know what my other colleagues think of him but whenever he does that, they will help him out without uttering a single complaint. Though unhappy, I have always kept my views and comments about him to myself, as I do not want to strain the cordial relationship that I have with him. Besides, taking any action may result in undesirable consequences for the team.

Recently, an incident occurred that resulted in a conflict between A and me. On one of the afternoons, our team was as per normal, busy dealing with the project till we discovered that A was nowhere to be found. We did not think much of it as we assumed that our supervisor or someone else had given him other tasks to do. Furthermore, with him gone, we were even busier,having to share his workload amongst us. Thus we did not try contacting him. A few hours later, A came back and we casually asked him where he had gone to. He told us that another department head had asked him to help out. With that, I did not think much of the incident and continued doing my work. What happened later was totally unexpected. Two girls from another department, whom I happen to know, came looking for him and when they asked me where he was seated, I asked them if it was an urgent matter and to my utter surprise,they said that they were here to return him money.

Eventually I found that that he had went out with the girls for tea as the girls were given some time off for that afternoon. Upon hearing it, I was infuriated!
Instead of completing what he was tasked upon to do, he had dumped the workload on us and took the girls out for tea. Now, I must admit that I am rather hot-tempered and at times, would let my feelings control my actions. Thus, when our supervisor happened to walk past and asked how we were doing, I spoke up without thinking and said that he had went to tea with 2 others from another department. I could still remember clearly that an awkward silence occurred for several seconds and then our supervisor curtly walked away without mentioning a single word.

I proceeded on with my work but A confronted me and asked me what that was for. I then told him that if he had the guts to do it, why not admit it? We then had a fierce argument and it only stopped when the rest of our colleagues intervened. Ever since then, tension has been very high between us and it has caused our team to be very awkward whether it is doing work or having lunch or doing any common activity.

I admit that I had told the supervisor what he did in a moment of anger. Believe it or not, I do regret doing that as this had caused much undesirable consequences. I should have controlled my temper and thought through carefully how I should handle the matter. However, his actions prior to this incident has already made me disliked him, and this was really the final straw for me. How could he enjoy himself while the rest of us are doing his work on top of ours?

Perhaps on his part, he felt that I was backstabbing him. He could be thinking that working together as a team has made all of us friends and even if he had left his workload for us to do to go off for tea, I should have covered up for him instead of reporting him. His perspective could be that if the situation happened to any one of us, he would have covered up for us and helped us.

Now that the situation is so tense, how should I proceed from here? We still have a few months to go to complete this project. Should I just leave it as is or try to do something to make things better? I look forward to your comments! :)